The Blessing of Boundaries
I had the honor of being asked once gain to write a post for Reclaimed Story. I thought I would share it here as well, especially since we are rolling into a season where we all tend to let boundaries go to the wayside.
Saying No to Say Yes to God: Setting Healthy Boundaries as Christians
I have a word that makes me wince whenever I say or hear it. Not that it is a ‘bad’ word, but it is a word that seems to hold some baggage, not only for me, but I’ve found out, for many others as well. Maybe you are one of those people. What is that word, you ask? That word is 'boundaries '.
Before you think this is just another self-help blog post, I want to encourage you, dear reader, to take a deep breath and read on with ‘cautious courage’ if you will. Boundaries aren't selfish; they're essential. They aren’t optional; they are mandatory. They're the invisible fences that create a safe space for us to flourish in our faith, relationships, and creativity. They allow us to be the best versions of ourselves, to honestly say a full-throated 'yes' to God's calling, and to experience the liberating relief that comes with setting healthy boundaries.
Many of us (me included, for way too long!) get caught in the trap of thinking we must be available for everything. We volunteer for every church committee, lead worship every week, run a Bible study, and feel obligated to help everyone who comes our way. Somewhere along the line, we start believing that rest and self-care are signs of weakness. But friends, that's not what the Bible teaches. Your self-care is not a sign of weakness, it's a sign that you value yourself and understand your importance in God's plan.
Finding Rest in God's Rhythm
The Bible is filled with reminders of God's desire for us to find rest and renewal. Exodus 20:11 tells us, "For the Lord made the heavens and the earth, the sea, and everything in them in six days; then he rested on the seventh day. Therefore the Lord blessed the Sabbath day and declared it holy" (CSB). God himself modeled the importance of setting boundaries and prioritizing rest.
Jesus, our ultimate example, also establishes boundaries for his well-being. Mark 6:31 tells us, "He said to them, “Come away by yourselves to a remote place and rest for a while.” For many people were coming and going, and they did not even have time to eat." Even Jesus, during his ministry, knew the importance of stepping away from the crowds and creating space for quiet reflection and renewal.
From Burnout to Boundaries
I learned the ‘boundaries lesson’ the hard way (which, in this area, I think is the way most of us learn about the importance of healthy boundaries). It happened while our adult son was fighting cancer several years ago. Before his diagnosis, I was very active in our church as the leader of our women’s ministries and helped several pastors with other items. I met with multiple young women as a mentor and participated in a Bible study group as well as hosting our small group. Add to that being a wife, mom, mom-in-love, daughter, and Gigi. Life was full, busy, and good. Then the cancer diagnosis came, and all the emotions that come along with that. Oddly, I could keep up the same pace. And I did for a while. In addition to all I was saying yes to the outside of the family, I began splitting the caretaking responsibilities of our son and our grandson with our daughter in love. I didn’t say no to some things I should have outside of our family unit. One day, while I was getting ready for a dental appointment, I struggled to breathe. My chest was hurting, and I was sick to my stomach. Did the red flags go up? No. I was far too busy doing all of the good things to slow down for a little chest issue! Plus, I had to get my teeth cleaned. I would deal with these pesky symptoms after I have sparkly teeth! From the dentist's office, I drove to urgent care because the symptoms were getting much worse, and I thought I could potentially be having a heart attack. Once inside the office, the sweetest nurse practitioner came in after all of the bloodwork and x-rays and said, “Tell me what’s going on in your life.” And I proceeded to spill all the words in between sobs. I wasn’t having a heart attack, I was having a severe panic attack and suffering physical and emotional exhaustion.
I suffered because I filled every second with a ‘yes’ instead of a ‘no.’ It was a tough lesson, and one I still have to remind myself of when I am tempted to say yes.
So, how do we break free from the "yes-machine" mentality and create healthy boundaries that allow us to truly live out our faith? Here are 7 practical ways to establish good boundaries and create healthy spiritual rhythms (or disciplines):
1. Know Your Limits. This may seem obvious, but it's the foundation. Be honest with yourself about your capacity. How much time, energy, and emotional bandwidth do you truly have? Be realistic about what you can commit to without burning out.
2. Identify Your Priorities. What matters most to you in your faith walk? Is it spending time in prayer, serving others, studying the Bible, or having a healthy family life? Once you know what's essential, you can use that to guide your decisions about commitments. Remember, fear of missing out (FOMO) is not a priority!
3. The Power of No. This is the big one! Learn to say no gracefully and with confidence. You don't owe anyone an explanation, though a simple "I appreciate you asking, but I'm unable to take this on right now" works wonders.
4. Communication is Key. Talk to your family, friends, and church leadership about your boundaries. Explain your need for time and space without feeling obligated to justify yourself. Remember, boundaries aren't an attack on them but a way to nurture your own well-being.
5. Schedule Your "Yeses." Block out dedicated time in your calendar for commitments. This helps prevent overscheduling and ensures you approach your responsibilities with focused energy.
6. Delegate & Share the Load. Don't feel like you have to do it all. Ask for help, delegate tasks, and create a culture of shared responsibility in your church and community.
7. Create Sacred Space. Schedule time for rest, prayer, reflection, and activities that replenish your soul. This is non-negotiable! Sabbath isn’t always possible on a Sunday for those of us in vocational ministry, but you can choose from six other days of the week. Set this time up and guard this time fiercely.
Bonus:
8. Noise Rest. Silence is so restoring to the mind. Set aside time in the morning and the evening when you can enjoy a time of complete quiet. Listen to yourself breathe. Simply be, don’t do.
9. Boundaries for Technology. Set boundaries around social media, email, and phone calls. If you have to, delete apps from your phone on your Sabbath day. Be disciplined and set up do-not-disturb parameters on your phone—you won’t regret it!
We can all work on boundaries. I believe it is a lifelong cultivating process that changes with each season of life. I’m cheering you on as you establish healthy boundaries in your life so you can be fully utilized for the Kingdom of God here on earth!
